Vomit...in my mind not my hair

As the first year of my masters program is coming to an end in a little over a month, I started to look at the pieces I want to focus on for my vocal jury...and I want to vomit. For the first time in my college experience, I don't want to sing a song not because of memory issues or simply not liking the song, but because I am worried that my voice will not handle the song okay...all of my songs. I seem to have so many flaws all I think about when I perform is "am I centered? is this going to come out okay?" when I use to just sing.::vomit::

In other news, my art song class (or rather some of it to be fair) makes me also want to vomit. It is so sad, I am in a masters program and people don't bring their music, don't practice, check their phone messages when someone is singing, and we don't create a collaboration. It is a strange time of year, but COME ON PEOPLE! STEP IT UP A BIT! ::vomit::

I had some great conversations with people outside of Boston to discuss an issue that was brought up earlier this week and how it has made me think about life. I just want to thank you for listening and let you know that it has really helped my emotionally scrambled state.

My Spring Break Adventure

I had a wonderful, albeit short time at home in Ohio. Much happened and yet nothing at all. This past weekend, Evan and I went down to C-bus to celebrate four years of dating!!!! We went to G. Michael's and then visited an old friend at the Monk and went out for drinks afterwards. Here are the pics from the event:


The City View From German Villiage


Evan at the Bexley Monk


Evan & Aaron at the Monk


Evan & I at the Zig House (I really love this pic)

The next day, Evan was not feeling well, though not from drinking. We feel like dinner didn't agree with him (perhaps the spicy chorizo??) and he threw up that night and a few times in the morning...once being all over the car while I was driving. I ended up cleaning the whole mess up, including having him change out of his clothes and mine as well. I cleaned up as much as possible in a parking lot and drove to the Polaris area (which has everything), went into Target, bought sanitizer wipes and gel, baby wipes, paper towel and a spray deodorizer usually used for animal messes on carpeting. Once it was all cleaned and sprayed and aired out (thankfully it was 65 and gorgeous that day!) we drove back home and he ended up sleeping much of the time and most of the day. He is much better today by the way. Poor little lamb! He told me I get major points for this. At least I know that no matter what happens, I can deal with all situations that are thrown my way...even vomit all over my person. If that doesn't say love, I don't know what does...my cleaning up, not him vomiting.

Mother Nature & I = not good friends

Looking towards Harvard Square

Looking toward Central Square

So, this is the second time that this has happened to me. I was suppose to fly to Ohio on the 17th in the morning and the night before I went to check into my flight and it was CANCELLED! (See pics of my lovely street that night!) So, I apparently have issues when it comes to plans and travel. After I found out about the flight, I had a few freak out moments (which Rachael was privileged to see) and I called the airline to get on another flight. I was told that the earliest flight I could get would be Monday morning, two days later...but then we discovered an opening on a flight Sunday night.

Now I am in Ohio and time is just FLYING by, which is quite depressing. And I had good time on St. Patrick's Day with the girls so having to stay in Boston wasn't that bad. What is very strange about this break is that twice, in different places, I have seen former students. Weird.

Nothing else really happening. I did get a bunch of new romance novels when I went out (watch out Tati!) and discovered a new author I LOVE, Sari Robbins. She has only written a few books, but they aren't too smutty which I appreciate. I suppose that is it for the moment.

bird bath+men in shorts=spring!

Much to your chagrin, I did not take pictures of the birds bathing themselves in the puddles in Cambridge Common nor did I capture the men walking around showing off their supremely white limbs. But I must say it made me smile to have no hat on my head and to see the playful little birds splashing about taking off the coat of dirt that winter placed on them.

And while I love that the sun is shining later than last week, my body is going through some serious withdrawal from sleep. My throat is tight, I have huge circles under my eyes and my back feels like it must be a solid rock it is so tense. As I said to Bree, I feel like how I am when I have just flown back from Europe...just not right. I am having spring forward-lag.

In other news, I sang tonight for Robert Honeysucker in a master class, doing "What if..." by Lee Hoiby. A wonderfully strange piece that can be taken several different ways. While I am very tight and didn't sing perfectly (see reasons above), he had some wonderful comments and I had lots of fun. Mostly I liked theses two quotes from him (though not said to me) and I will end with them:

"Shiver from your groin" & "Singing is legal stripping"

Wrinkled Hand/ Want vs. Need vs. Actual

I don't know when I began to notice that my parents were growing older. It kind of meshed together and one day I was looking at my mom's hand thinking "geeze, when did she get all those wrinkles?" It happens so slowly and yet so suddenly. I looked at my parents one day and realized that they were different, not my childhood picture of them at all. When did my dad start to look so tired and when did my mom decide to no longer dye her hair and let it be silver?

At the same time...when did I get so grown up? I look in the mirror and it is mostly the same. After all, I still look like I'm at least five years younger than my actual age (depending on my makeup and clothing choice). But it takes more to keep the weight off and I can't stay up as late and wake up going through the motions without it making an impact.

In many ways, life has done a 180 on me. Five years ago my greatest ambition was to be a teacher and married with the prospect of having children in my mid-twenties. I was quite the conservative protestant, against gay marriage, abortions, drinking and I rarely swore. If you know me, then you know a lot has changed...a whole lot. My Christian faith, though different, is still a big part of who I am. But, I would say I am definitely more liberal with my ideas now than I ever was. And while I still want to be married I don't know if I really want to have kids...at least not right away.

As a pensive person, I can see that my younger self had a lot of growing up to do before realizing what I would really be happy with. But am I really that wise now to see the difference between what I want versus what I need...and realizing what I will actually end up with? I am no longer a little girl that has her parents to rely on. Not that they don't help me and support me 100%, but they cannot look after me forever. And in the unsteadiness of relationships, I can't place all my happiness in one friend or guy. My happiness is dependent on decisions I make for me...now does it make sense that I am always questioning?