Life isn't as easy as the boardgame makes it seem OR Stress & Confusion

Last night I went to sleep and I don't know how I did. My brain was consumed with thoughts about the coming week and how I would deal with a crazy work schedule plus all the rehearsals & finals that need to be completed. And, as I believe every person has experienced, when asked, "are you okay?" I nodded and then started weeping. Steve was really sweet and he offered to help cover part of my shift tomorrow while Cat took a shift later this week. They are splendidly splendid! With that behind me, I can take a deep breath and realize that things are going to be okay.

I talked with a close friend this past week about relationships and dating. She had broken up with a boyfriend a while ago and they were trying to be friends. But, lately, it wasn't working and the boy became almost rude in ignoring her. She was so upset when I talked with her and I could understand. It was comfortable and solid to know he was around and we are now reaching an age where marriage and creating a foundation is all around us and desired by us as well. It is hard to know where love ends and comfort begins in choosing to be with someone. I have friends that are dating or married to a person that is the perfect fit, despite the imperfections. Then there are the people that are dating, or married, that seem to love the relationship more than the person. But how hard it is to extricate from that kind of relationship...almost impossible as I have dealt with in past. The need to get away...but the comfort of keeping things the same holds you back.

In other news, I am trying to get as much done as possible for the end of the semester. It is funny because unlike my classes for undergrad I don't have the luxury of pushing my physical limits. In fact, I have to be the opposite so I can perform well. Sigh. There just aren't enough hours in the day!

It is raining outside and the smell of the fresh spring mist clings to the air. I just love it! Thought spring is not my favorite season, this part of it makes me feel like snuggling with my cat and a good book while drinking tea. But life doesn't seem to want me to be completely happy. There is always something big missing. I feel like I just have to make it through this week, this month, this year and then I can get what I want. But it has been that way for three years. I don't understand why and what I have done or what I could do to change it. I just have to keep on waiting.