Life isn't as easy as the boardgame makes it seem OR Stress & Confusion

Last night I went to sleep and I don't know how I did. My brain was consumed with thoughts about the coming week and how I would deal with a crazy work schedule plus all the rehearsals & finals that need to be completed. And, as I believe every person has experienced, when asked, "are you okay?" I nodded and then started weeping. Steve was really sweet and he offered to help cover part of my shift tomorrow while Cat took a shift later this week. They are splendidly splendid! With that behind me, I can take a deep breath and realize that things are going to be okay.

I talked with a close friend this past week about relationships and dating. She had broken up with a boyfriend a while ago and they were trying to be friends. But, lately, it wasn't working and the boy became almost rude in ignoring her. She was so upset when I talked with her and I could understand. It was comfortable and solid to know he was around and we are now reaching an age where marriage and creating a foundation is all around us and desired by us as well. It is hard to know where love ends and comfort begins in choosing to be with someone. I have friends that are dating or married to a person that is the perfect fit, despite the imperfections. Then there are the people that are dating, or married, that seem to love the relationship more than the person. But how hard it is to extricate from that kind of relationship...almost impossible as I have dealt with in past. The need to get away...but the comfort of keeping things the same holds you back.

In other news, I am trying to get as much done as possible for the end of the semester. It is funny because unlike my classes for undergrad I don't have the luxury of pushing my physical limits. In fact, I have to be the opposite so I can perform well. Sigh. There just aren't enough hours in the day!

It is raining outside and the smell of the fresh spring mist clings to the air. I just love it! Thought spring is not my favorite season, this part of it makes me feel like snuggling with my cat and a good book while drinking tea. But life doesn't seem to want me to be completely happy. There is always something big missing. I feel like I just have to make it through this week, this month, this year and then I can get what I want. But it has been that way for three years. I don't understand why and what I have done or what I could do to change it. I just have to keep on waiting.

Last week of classes...not even near done

I know I haven't written in forever, but when life is floating along with not too much of interest to discuss, would you really want to read it??

So, this coming week is the last week of "classes" at Longy. My first "official" year of my masters is about to be complete. Meanwhile, I have two papers, five lessons, and three concerts to type up as well as ten songs to polish, three songs & two scenes to memorize, stage and polish all in either two days or ten days time. AGH! I am a bit...overwhelmed, but in good Karen spirit I will some how get it all done to my satisfaction...that is just the way I am.

I found out another college chum from C-bus is reproducing...geeze that makes how many of my friends engaged, married or having babies.... at least 75% of them and probably 50% are younger than I am. EGH! Not that I want babies or marriage quite yet, I still have much to do in the next year or so. Right now I have my lone family of one here in Boston to take care of. Maybe I need a cat?

Evan has an interview this coming week in Cincy, which is quite exciting, though I must confess I don't particularly like the area. But, feelings change and after all my only impression of the city has been of CCM, which is gorgeous inside, but surrounded by an utter ghetto...no joke.

I am also thinking of going back to C-bus this summer to start a masters in music education at Capital. Trying to make myself as marketable as possible & to keep all of my options open. Good idea? Bad idea? At least my parents have offered to let me use (and perhaps have if they buy another vehicle) a car. YES!

The weather here in Boston is BEAUTIFUL. My roommates & I have thrown open the windows and I am enjoying walking around without a coat. The Red Sox are thrashing the Yankees to my utmost pleasure and it has been a glorious weekend. I am just preparing for the weeks of AHH to come:o).

Thanks Amy!

Okay, this is funny.

Go to Google.com, click on maps, click on "get directions", put in New York, New York to Paris, France and then read line 23.

In other news, I have been working SOOO hard and have had tons of learning of the music and the memory. Erg. I will make it because that is what I do. But I have freaked out a little over it. This weather has got to stop being stupid and warm up. It's spring of goodness sake!

More to come later. Cheers!

Merry Christmas! Erg, well, sort of!

What a long day & a strange weather day too. While I was at work it went from overcast to raining to snow snow snow snow! So, we decided to put on some Christmas music. The surprising part was that it took about an hour for a person to finally say "the Christmas music is appropriate". No one else realized. Though Steve & I were dancing around like the Charlie Brown characters....so fun! Nothing like Charlie Brown to make the weather outside seem like a holiday treat.